Day 1

Today was it. THE day. Yesterday was supposed to be THE day, but there wasn't enough courage formed in the pit of my being to launch my rather hefty frame into a swimming pool at 9:00 in the morning. So today, since class was at 6:00 P.M., that allowed SOME courage to grow all day yesterday and simmer all day today. And it was JUST enough.

A couple of years ago I donned my swimsuit and went to Laguna Beach with my family. I got brave enough to get in the water and battle the waves. I lost. And those who were on the beach gained another perspective of me I'm sure they would rather not have. The waves were brutal to my mostly-buoyant body. They were strong enough, however, to knock me down and tear the right half of my one-piece swimsuit down to my belly button. Unfortunately, I did not notice this until I was up to gasp for air, wiping my face clean of the sand the bottom the ocean deposited on my right cheek, into my nostril. For those of you who know me, you also understand my "whiteness." Thanks to my parents genetic combination of "White" and "Whiter," I literally glow in the dark. So you can just imagine the beacon of light that was streaming from my chest area. It was only when I looked down that I realized, to my horror, that my trusted swimsuit had betrayed me. I also became conscious that it was high-tide, and I was closest to the lifeguard tower that I could possibly be and still be in the water. It just could not get any worse. And then I saw the teenage boys who were next to the lifeguard tower. At that point I just leaned over and pulled my suit back up as fast as I could, not caring as I normally would that there was at least one entire bucket of sand now lodged between and under my boobs. But the damage had been done. Some things you just can NOT un-see. Sorry, fellas. That's a memory you'll not soon forget.

This year I got a NEW swim suit. At Costco. Wow! They sell swimsuits at Costco? That's awesome!! "Here," I thought, "I'll just pick up this nice black one with cobalt-blue polka dots." Sure, I had given a thought to the correlation between fat people and roundness of the polka dots, but the base color underneath WAS black, after all, and black IS slimming, right? No need to even try this baby on!

Yesterday my alarm went off. I had been planning for a week to start this class on the first workday of the week. But it was so early in the morning, and what if there were a bunch of skinny, beautiful people taking this class? That's all it took to ward me off. I hit the snooze and slept another 2.5 hours. It was so nice. :)

That brings us to today, which was THE day.

I got home from a rather good day at work today. After I got home I went upstairs and put on my new swimsuit, the black one with polka dots that slims, because black is always slimming.

"OH...MY...GOSH!!!!!! I SHOULD HAVE TRIED THIS ON!!!!!!," I thought. "Oh man, this fits WAY worse than my last one did!!! While the last one didn't stay on in the waves too well, at LEAST it LOOKED decent!!! What the HECK is this?? And now what in the world am I going to do? I don't have another swim suit. I threw my Benedict Arnold one away!! Well, maybe it's not that bad. Maybe the water will be deep enough to hide the hideous part. I know! I'll ask my kids!"

I waltzed out of my upstairs bedroom and showed our 16-year-old Caleb and 19-year-old Andrea. "Look at my new swimsuit, kids!"

Andrea: (laughing uncontrollably) "Oh mom! Oh! I can't breathe! Oh no! Really?"

Caleb: (laughing nervously), "Um, wow."

Well, they ARE kids. Maybe it's because they love mocking me. I'll ask my husband, my best friend, the one who adores me. He'll tell me.

So I put my street clothes on and went downstairs to show Mike. I lifted up my shirt to show him the top part. While he knew better than to say a derogatory remark, his face said it all. "Um, wow, sweetheart. Have a great time at your class!" Hahahaha!! Ok. I get it.

So that you can picture this swimsuit, it is "stretchy." Except at the top. Then it just pushes everything down. I already have issues with gravity in that department, but my lingerie store makes these wonderful "packages" to lift and separate the girls. This swimsuit, well, didn't. Everything was shoved downward, in a horrid, unnatural position, distorting even the tiniest of appendages. In this case I would have been happy, just today, with tiny appendages. Sadly, that was not the case.

I ALMOST didn't go.

I arrived in the parking lot and there was literally NO parking. Oh good!! I can't go! "No, Kathy," I told myself, "you are just making excuses. Find a spot and walk. It won't kill you."

Walking in was ok. "Breathe ... breathe ... you'll be fine." I reached the bathrooms and was literally shaking by this point. Here I was about to venture into one of the most fearful challenges of my life, and alone. I had no backup, nowhere to hide, nobody to confide my fear to, and I wanted to RUN. But I kept advancing forward. WAIT!!!! THAT'S THE MEN'S BATHROOM!!! TURN! TURN!!! That was close.

I took off my outer clothes and put everything else in the nice wooden lockers they had available. I was too scared to glance around. I didn't want to see any beautiful people staring at my disproportionately large frame stoutly STUFFED into this suit. So I took off my glasses. Wow!!! That made SO much difference! I couldn't see a thing! I showered (because I passed a large sign with big enough letters that highly encouraged showering before entering the pool) and walked out into the pool area. "Oh good. Old ladies. Fat ones! YES!!! I am NOT alone!!!"

I proceeded, as gingerly as someone my size could, into the pool. The water was surprisingly mild, and not too "clorine-y." I asked one of the three old ladies who looked like she would probably be in the group what to expect out of the class. She explained that it is a fun class and to just follow the instructor's movements. Uh oh! Panic! "But my glasses are off! I CAN'T SEE!!!" I thought about retrieving my glasses, but no one else had anything more than goggles, so I decided to leave them neatly tucked away in my Kelly-green CitiBank promotional bag safe inside the locker.

I took a position in the back of the pool. I didn't want to be out front, primarily because I didn't want to look goofy. I had not been to an aerobics class since I was 18, and I had NEVER been to a water aerobics class. So the back of the class was for me!

It was surprisingly easy. Our teacher was kind and actually got into the pool with us. She worked our arms, our abs and our legs. We twisted, "jogged" in place, touched our toes (pretty easy when they float to you!), and other exercises. By the time the hour was up, I was Jello. It was wonderful. I thanked her after class for teaching it, and mentioned that it was my first time in any water aerobics class. She pointed out some things I could do to improve my form, and I was very appreciative to have that one-on-one time with her. Afterward I happened to mention my swimsuit, and she agreed. Another one might be better.

So off to Victoria Gardens I go tomorrow, on a quest to find the perfect swimsuit for this imperfect frame of mine. And I live to go to water aerobics another day, Thursday, to be exact. :)

So long for now,
-Kathy